1. 2011 was probably the most eventful year of my life thus far. I auditioned for music school, graduated high school, faced my fears and went away to college, dealt with the pressure of succeeding in a conservatory, had my first panic attack, and realized how much I love and miss my home in Indiana when I’m away at college.

I made some pretty good friends at school though, I guess. I’ve never really thought I fit in that well, and I’m not all that sure that I really like college. I like the idea of college, but I don’t like being away from home and having to start over. I think the only thing I’ve really enjoyed so far is being able to basically live with Jeff while I’m at school, especially after coming off dealing with long distance. I’ve definitely grown as a musician, but it has been so emotionally and physically draining. My nerves are at an all-time high. I guess that’s what it takes to be good. Part of me just wants to stay home and never go back. I’m not sure that’s a good thing. I just miss my family and my friends and my home so much. 

I’m hoping this semester will be better. I’m taking 21 credit hours, so at least I’ll be busy and won’t have much time to slack off and worry. I’ll just have to do it. I need that kind of rigorous schedule. I hope that I won’t waste my college years away from home living outside of Indiana worrying it away. I want to try and enjoy this semester instead. We’ll see how that goes.

One thing I’m sure of, I’ve loved being able to have Jeff with me at school. I couldn’t have gotten through it without him. I really do rely on him to keep me strong, and I’m okay with that. My best college memories so far have been with him, and I’m excited to see where we go from here.

This time next week I’ll be back in Kansas City. My heart and stomach just drops at the thought of it. I don’t want to leave.

Let’s go, 2012.